i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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