dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
