I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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