If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
