OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
