Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
