so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
