Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
