Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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