one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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