She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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