i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
