i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
