fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
