Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize