He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
