there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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