I cockslap morals
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
