if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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