I want to make a zoo with you.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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