oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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