I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize