having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
