so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
