I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize