Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
