Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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