GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
