I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
kristin has been a bad kristin
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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