remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
