You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize