I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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