please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
