i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
