He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
