You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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