the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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