I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
