i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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