WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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