So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize