I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you didnt know i had herpes?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
