i barfeds in our rink
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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