How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Cover your peen. We're going out.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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