The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
