did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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