idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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