why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
