Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize