i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
