Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
