you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Did I show you my penis last night?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
