Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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