Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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