Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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