Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
