Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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