idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
