I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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