Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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