does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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