I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
