All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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