don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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