I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
it glows. i had to have it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
