My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
