it wasn't lemon gatorade
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
