i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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