oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
