You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
