im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
