we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
