It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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