Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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