just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
