I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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