I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
