NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
