Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize