I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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