You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
