I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
