I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
