Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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