I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
