I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
