hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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