hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
