I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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