Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize