So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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