His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
