Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize