so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
