why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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