i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize