but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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