Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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