IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
