You're my little dorito
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
