Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
