Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
