Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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