Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
