Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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