she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
