I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
