i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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