Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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